It felt so odd writing a letter to my daddy, when I was so used to calling him and telling him everything that was going on. It's like, okay I'm writing him this letter, telling him about what's been going on and how much I miss him, but he's never going to get it.
I quickly realized, this was just my way of dealing with the grief. Losing a loved one is never easy especially a parent, but losing a parent that was your best friend, for me is on a whole other level.
Before I lost my dad, we were making all of these plans. He was planning on moving back to Texas with me and wanted to buy a house for my kids and I to live in with him. He couldn't stand my house I was renting, he literally wanted me to break my lease whenever he bought a house!! Yall my daddy was a trip. He just wanted the absolute best for me. I did have to remind him that God blessed me with this house for the time being and I loved it, though. Lol
After he passed, it as really rough for me for a little while. While I know without a doubt that he was resting in the arms of Jesus, I still couldn't help but be so hurt and sad that my daddy, my best friend, the man that no one could compare to was really gone.
I began to think about the things that we never got to do, and wouldn't be able to do. The year he passed would have been the first Thanksgiving we spent together in so many years (he passed 3 days before Thanksgiving). I sank into a place of "near depression", I didn't make it all the way into it.
I can tell you right now, what kept my grief from consuming me was the Spirit of the Lord speaking so clearly to me and telling me this isn't what my daddy would want me doing. He let me know my daddy was with him and at peace, that I still have work to do and that I could not let depression take over. the holy Spirit let me know that although I was feeling so alone, he had not left me alone. His Spirit was with me and he had people placed in my life to be there. It was so much more that he spoke, but the two most profound things was, one, I could literally feel the arms of the Lord wrapped around me, comforting me as I cried my heart out, and two, I heard my daddy say "stop all that baby girl, I'm happy".
After that I was good! I know that I am not alone, God is with me everywhere I am and he has given me people that love me genuinely. It seemed like I recovered overnight. Of course I have my moments of missing him, especially now with so much changing in my life and wanting to give him every detail. One thing about my daddy, he supported me in absolutely everything I did, never condemned me for the choices I made in my life, he always encouraged me, and listened without judgement.
There is an emptiness in my heart that longs for my daddy, but daily God is filling that void! Every now and then my thoughts drift to what my kids and I are missing out on with him not being here, but the Holy Spirit quickens me and tells me, we aren't missing anything.
No matter what plans we have, Gods will, will always be done. Before God took my daddy home, he gave us both what we wanted...time together. My dad lived in Alabama nad my kids and I lived here in Texas. With me working and the kids in school, and not having a very reliable car (to travel across all those state lines), we didn't really get to see each other, but on video call.
We got to spend a week with him before he got sick and had to go into ICU, but i am forever thankful for that week, because it was what we both wanted and needed!
I told a bit of my story to say, my daddy was perfect in my eyes and to me, he was not defined by his past, or relationships with other people. Our relationship was the absolute best, he worked my nerves at times, but I would not have traded it for anything in this world. I was spoiled rotten by him (as an adult) so he has ruined me for any other man, if they can't love me like he did and more! Lol
I'll continue to write letters to my daddy because it helps me continue the story.
No matter if you have lost a parent, a child, another family member or friend, please don't get lost in your grief. Don't isolate yourself forever, I know that everyone grieves differently, just don't let it consume you. Allow the holy Spirit to comfort you and guide you in what to do next.
May God be with you now, always and forever!!
God Bless You!!
Lawrence Harkless (Daddy) I will forever miss you, but I know I will see you again!